Eating disorder stopped me from working on new music

With her new album going straight to number one in the UK, it’s difficult to imagine that just two years ago Lorde was thinking about never making music again.

“At the beginning of 2023 I was not in a great way on a lot of levels,” the singer says.

“I’d never felt more disconnected from my creativity.”

Speaking to Radio 1’s Jack Saunders, Lorde, real name Ella Marija Lani Yelich-O’Connor, says an eating disorder took over her life.

“All I was thinking about was trying to weigh as little as possible,” she says.

“Going to sleep thinking about food, waking up thinking about food and exercise – that was my creative pursuit.”

But after a period of recovery, she says, her creativity came flooding back.

Virgin, which the New Zealander released on 27 June, is Lorde’s fourth album and her most personal to date.

“It was hard, it was scary,” she says about writing it. “Some songs aren’t easy.”

“I made a lot of changes and really put my artistry front and centre and made that my full-time job and I got a lot of stuff out of the way.”

Lorde debuted the album with a surprise set at Glastonbury on the day of its release.

“I hadn’t been on a stage on my own like that for years,” she says, adding that she was “a bag of dust” after her appearance.

The Green Light singer previously told Radio 1 how her collab with Charli XCX last year had encouraged her to be more vulnerable in her music.

As well as eating and body image, Virgin tackles her relationship with her mum, the end of a long-term relationship and gender identity.

“These subjects are not the easiest to shoehorn into a three-and-a-half minute song,” says Lorde.

“The cool challenge about pop songs is you don’t have time to faff – you’ve got to cut out all but the strongest nuggets of a story.

“You’re just forced to go no filler.

“Some songs I had to keep rewriting to be brave enough to say it.”

On exploring her gender identity, Lorde says she felt “so trapped and so tight in this very kind of straight-ahead femininity.”

Her journey “started pretty basic,” she says, “just realising I can’t just have women’s clothes on a photo shoot – I need everything so I can choose”.

“Because some days that will feel so tight and I’ll feel so trapped.

“The same with my make-up. I say to people now just treat it like male grooming – don’t overcook it.

“Because the same thing happens, I get all stuck and tight and I can’t express myself.”

Lorde previously said her Met Gala look – inspired by a cummerbund, or waistband, traditionally worn by men – was a hint to where she was “gender-wise”.

While she hasn’t “landed anywhere” in terms of defining her gender identity, exploring it “has really, really, changed things,” she says.

“I feel a lot more expansive, a lot bigger and my definition of what’s beautiful is really different now.

“I think it will just keep unfurling and I’m down for that.”

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