Screen share | Films on living, and thriving, despite loneliness-OxBig News Network

Kani Kusruti in a scene from All We Imagine As Light.

“Do you mind if I ask you a question,” I said to amma. Two weeks ago during our daily catch-up call at the onset of the holiday season, I decided to deviate from our routine of updating each other about the vagaries of our lives, who we met, and what we cooked.

I had just finished watching director Payal Kapadia’s award-winning All We Imagine As Light (AWIAL) and was particularly perturbed by its central character Prabha’s (essayed by Kani Kusruti) despondence in the first half. “How did you deal with loneliness after appa? It is suddenly feeling a little too heavy during this time,” I said, changing the pace of our conversation from the familiar.

A pall of silence fell over the call. Amma took a beat. “It was and is incredibly hard. I don’t recommend it. Not for you and certainly not for me,” she said, speaking of it as though leaving a Google review.

My mother’s brevity is reminiscent of Kusruti’s portrayal of a rigid, imposed stoicism in AWIAL around the topic of loneliness. While one may not speak of it in as many words, this shroud of isolation is an unfortunate universal human experience.

There is a moment in AWIAL where Prabha slumps to the floor. It is night. The rain in Mumbai is rattling windows and flooding living rooms. Prabha, a nurse by day, now in her nightgown, is swaddled in a silent, lonely blue as she examines a rice cooker. Was it her estranged husband who sent her this gift, or a co-worker who has recently shown interest? In her silent contemplation, one sees her lurch forward and hug it. This inanimate object now holds power. It is one that defines Prabha’s desire for touch and an absence of romance.

A still from Mouna Ragam
| Photo Credit:
Special Arrangement

Enough may have been written about this particular cooker scene that adorns the poster that is travelling the world and raking in awards and honours, including two historic nominations at the Golden Globes. What about loneliness makes it as hard to talk about? When verbalised, the act feels like desperation. However, when shown on screen through characters like Divya (Revathi) in Mouna Ragam and Mrs Chan (Maggie Cheung) in In the Mood for Love, through silent acts of abandon and obsession, it shines, telling the story of what it is like, particularly for women in this country, to speak of desire and ask for love.

Kusruti is a masterclass in the portrayal of this deep, layered emotion. In a moving coming-of-age feature titled Girls Will Be Girlsby director Shuchi Talati, Kusruti essays the role of Anila, a mother who struggles not just with a difficult relationship with her teenage daughter Mira (Preeti Panigrahi) at the cusp of discovering her sense of self, romance, and sexuality; but also with an absent husband who often disrespects her and shoots her down. How she occasionally takes to receiving attention, in an almost high-school-like competition with her daughter, captures the essence of her lack of meaning and agency. Do we not see her eyes look downward in shame and sadness when her husband and daughter make fun of her?

A still from Girls Will Be Girls
| Photo Credit:
Joseph Gnana Satheesh X 10956@Chennai

Who does Mira call when she has no one? How does Prabha find space to accommodate her young housemate’s romance and love, while trying to indulge herself during a chance, magical encounter?

On New Year’s Eve, the penultimate conclusion of the holiday season, Amma sends a picture of herself at a hip, young club in the city, to my sister and I. “Happy new year, darlings,” she writes and begins our next morning’s call with enthusiastic updates on what songs she danced to. “Sheila aunty danced with a young, unknown man. We laughed so much. I was back home by 12,” she reports.

It is evident. My mother, like Prabha and Anila, lives despite the loneliness and not through it. Good lessons learnt in the first week of the year.

From The Hindu cinema team, a fortnightly column recommending films and shows tied to a mood, theme, or pop-cultural event.